Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
