i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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