Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.