Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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