I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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