I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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