I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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