So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
