remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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