she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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