you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
