got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
