Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
