you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
