I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
