It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
