Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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