My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I pour the whiskey from now on
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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