I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
