I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
