I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
