How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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