Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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