Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
