me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
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Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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