You're my little dorito
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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