Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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