The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
