based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
