2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
