$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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