dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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