apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
