They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
