The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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