Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
