YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I smell stomach acid.
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your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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