i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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