1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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