i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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