omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
