Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
