So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
