Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
