I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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