I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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