Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
