just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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