i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
