So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
