remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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