Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
