I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize