I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
