My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
