So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
