I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
