And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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