My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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