i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
