True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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